One Snarky Chica with Issues

Sunday is family/relationship issues day

When you first get together with someone everything is new and exciting. You think everything about your mate is wonderful and they can do no wrong. Fast forward to a few years down the line and the new and exciting is gone. It’s been replaced by arguments and complacency. Unfortunately, this is what happens, despite your best intentions and the strength of your love.

I’ve been in the same relationship for around 10 years. Our love is just as strong, if not stronger, but things are tought a lot of the time. But it’s also great most of the time, and just getting better. See, we’ve realized the destructive patterns that seem to emerge after being together so long and we’re working on making things wonderful all the time.

The most important thing is realizing that everything is not a Cinderella story or courtship. Things start out with grand romantic gestures, which slowly come to a dry spell after you’ve been together a while. It doesn’t mean that your love is over, it just means that you’re at a different place with each other. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s not nice to get flowers for no reason at all sometimes(hint, hint).

A big problem for me is really listening to my other half. If I spent as much time listening to my mate as I do mind-reading, then there would be so much less conflict! And the flipside of this means being vocal when you have something to say, instead of keeping it to yourself. Unless you are with someone that really is a mind-reader!

Piggybacking on that, you cannot assume that your mate is a mind-reader. If you want diamond earrings for your birthday, don’t assume your mate will know. And just because you drop hints still doesn’t mean you will get those diamond earrings for your birthday. Spell out what you want or need and you’ll both be happier. I hear my boss constantly complaining about how her husband never gets her diamond earrings and she’s been wanting a pair for the entire 15 years they have been married. Someone asked why she didn’t just get them herself and she said because she wanted him to get them for her. She even said she’s dropped hints. Clearly he is not getting them. When asked why she didn’t just tell him she wanted them, she replied “He should know.”

Don’t think just because you are in a secure relationship that you do not have to do any pampering any longer. There seems to be a common train of thought that once you have landed a secure relationship that you no longer have to work at things, since you already have a mate. This is so wrong. You should be reminding your mate why you love them, why they are special to you and so on. Remember, it is hard for someone to be mad at you if you’ve just told them how beautiful they are. Unless you’ve done something really lousy that is.